Alright so lets go back to last Thursday, in the evening my cousin Sarah came down and visited after finishing up teaching her violin students(she uses my parents nice front sitting room) it was a nice surprise! After our visit my mom stuck around for a bit longer to visit, and while I was getting dinner ready Devin was running around in the living room when he slipped and slid, my mom and I thought he'd just bonked his head or something and couldn't figure out why he was making such a fuss. It wasn't until after dinner when Tony got him down from his chair and set him on the floor that we realized he wouldn't put his right foot down, so we took his sock off and noticed his foot was kinda swollen and purplish, so I took Elizabeth up to be with my parents while we took him to Insta Care where the doctor told us he probably stubbed his hurt toe really bad(if you don't recall Devin fractured the big toe on his right foot a few weeks ago) and that he would probably limp on it for a while...at least he didn't re-brake it which is what I was worried about. And in fact he didn't fully stop limping until yesterday...it took a whole week to heal poor boy. Fun Friday was more just take it easy Friday. We had a movie night and watched Rio and let the kids eat some of their popcorn from their tins. Saturday my mom watched the kids for us, while my dad came and helped us get everything out of the condo and to where it needed to go and some other things we needed to get done, it took pretty much all day. But we got a TON done. Sunday Devin had a rough day...even before we got to church! We have the one o'clock church which is hard for poor Devin who naps from about 12ish-3ish, we decided to feed him lunch early and put him down for a little nap before church but had to wake him up to go. He didn't make it through Sacrament Meeting Tony had to wander with him. And he didn't last very long in nursery either...nothing like the nursery leader bringing you your child and telling you his screaming is frightening the other children!! :/ He was thoroughly melting down though so I could see it. I calmed him down(which was no easy thing)and took him back in, he lasted a couple minutes then I could hear him starting to get upset again. He just got louder and louder so a few minutes later I went in and got him, before he got too worked up again, so he wasn't as hard to calm down. Once he was ok again I took him back in, and stayed with him a while this time. He just sat on the floor staring off into space determined to stay in his "happy place" after about five minutes he finally picked up a foam block and started to play with it so I slipped out again. He made it a while then they brought us to him thinking he was stinky but he wasn't, they did this twice but he wasn't every stinky so I think he was constipated a bit. Elizabeth reported really liking her new class and that all went well. So in the end we made it through! On Monday Elizabeth and I talked about Martin Luther King Jr. and segregation and such and that it was the day we remember and celebrate him. This week I also worked with Elizabeth on learning how to spell her name...a nine letter name is no easy task! She's been able to write it for over a year now, but someone has always had to tell her what letters to write so I figured since we haven't got back into structured school yet I'd have plenty of time to tackle this difficult task...and sure enough she's pretty much got it down pat, thanks to a fun little song I made up. :) Tuesday evening I drove down to the condo and lots of wonderful ladies from our ward there helped us clean our condo from top to bottom! We couldn't have done it all without them! They were amazing, and upstairs has probably never been so clean! At 6pm we met up with our realtors, and Connie(the greatest realtor EVER) took us to dinner at Village Inn, and arranged to have the condo listed the next morning. After we got back the young women and leaders came and helped us clean downstairs, they were amazingly fast! We are so blessed to have such wonderful support! We were done and outta there way earlier than we anticipated. Thursday morning I got a call from Tony at about 6:30 in the morning telling me his car had hit a patch of ice and slid into the car in front of it...totaling it :( he said he was ok but he was having chest pain and it hurt to breath so his parents rescued him and took him to the ER at IMC, where he got checked out. His mom stayed with him, while his dad went to work. Tony was badly bruised but thankfully that was the extent of it. Our dad's took care of some last finishing touches at the condo as our realtor was having someone take pictures of the place today. Today Devin woke up sick sick SICK! His voice sounds absolutely awful, and he's started doing his cough then gag/choke...it's so sad to hear! No high fever yet but I'm just waiting for it. While Devin napped my mom did a Spanish lesson with Elizabeth. I am so amazed at how well she's picking it up! It's like she just gets it!! Probably because she just does. :) Well that's been our week enjoy the pictures!
Devin's poor big toe a week after he stubbed it
I finally got around to unpacking Elizabeth's dress-ups and getting them put in her dress-up center she got for Christmas and she had so much fun with them!
Devin "playing" the Wii, he even had the little play remote!
Devin having lots of fun with sissy's fan
Elizabeth playing ABCMouse.com
Devin decided to dress up too since Elizabeth makes it look so fun!
"Go cougs!"
Elizabeth playing Dora...
Playing Dora can really take it out of ya!
Almost naked boy!!
I also finally got around to getting Devin's Toy Story wall decal stickers up on his walls! Their rooms still aren't completely finished as we still have to hang pictures and other things on the wall but here's a big step in the process!
Last Friday Tony took the day off and we started the move off with just getting the kids rooms up. We got up Friday morning and finished packing up Elizabeth's room(most of it I'd done already) and I worked on boxing up Devin's room, which wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it was going to be! While I was packing up Devin's room Tony was taking down Elizabeth's bed which also wasn't nearly as bad as we were thinking it was going to be. We both got done a lot faster that anticipated, which meant as soon as Tony's dad came to help we were loading up his truck(we opted out of using the trailer because of the snowstorm), we got loaded up and up to my parent's house around noon or a bit after! My mom watched the kids for us while Tony and I unpacked and put together the kids' rooms. Devin's room was pretty easy as we decided to use my parent's toddler bed as it was a lighter color which went better in his room...and it already had a Buzz Lightyear tent on it! Then it was just deciding what toys I wanted to keep in there, and how best to arrange them. Devin's room isn't by any means a legal or even good sized bedroom, it has no window(which is actually a plus for him as he prefers the dark. But we did put a "daylight" light-bulb in there if that counts! ;) And it is on the small size but it's not meant to be a play-in bedroom, it's pretty much just a place for him to sleep, and play with a few things as he falls asleep and for a while after he wakes up til I get him, and so far it's working out perfectly! Elizabeth on the other hand has two windows in her room(the placement of the windows just did not work out for our plan of putting two bedrooms there, but like I said it's actually been good that way!) which is really nice since Elizabeth is afraid of the dark, he room gets tons of light, the only time we turn the light on is when the sun goes down! Her loft bed has been a lifesaver in that room as it isn't very big either, bigger than Devin's but still not as big as a typical bedroom, but since she has all the space under her bed it works out great! She has the most adorable princess room ever! The $9 wall decals we got off Amazon were the best nine bucks we've ever spent! They totally pull the room together, they look amazing and we so easy to put on! Seriously....best nine bucks EVER!!! Devin has Toy Story ones but I haven't gotten them up in his room yet(think I'm gonna do that tonight actually). We got their bedrooms put together faster than we thought so we even had a little time to rest after. Elizabeth told me what princess to put where in her room, it was so cute how she had it all planned out complete with explanations for why each place was best for each princess! We left the kids with my parents and grabbed lunch on our way back to the condo, where we starting serious packing! About 4:30 members of our ward started showing up to help which was sorely needed as I was completely spent and in a lot pain after over doing it that morning with the kids rooms move. We ended up with 6 helpers who were very motivated to get us pretty much entirely packed by the end of the night, and by about 10:00 that night we pretty much were! It was amazing how much we all got done....you know what they say, many hands make light work...well it is certainly true! Man am I gonna miss that ward! I tear up every time I think of them....they've done so much for us throughout the past almost 6 years, it really has been more like a great big family than a ward, and it is very hard to leave! So we will definitely be visiting often! Saturday was the big move. We had originally planned to use trucks and trailer to haul everything up but because of the snowstorm of a century(ok only 20 years....but that doesn't sound nearly as good) we opted to just rent a moving truck and take everything covered in one trip! And it was a great decision! Once again thanks to the greatest ward EVER, and lots of help from Tony's family we had it chuck full of all our boxes and such by about 11 am! Sandy came with me in our loaded up Pilot, Tony's dad brought their truck which had part of our bed and some other stuff, Johnny brought up Russell and Tony's car, and Tony drove the moving truck with Landen in tow(he was quite excited to ride in the big moving truck as he's never ridden in one before!) Up at my parents' house once we got a good system in place we cruised through the unloading, and were done and had lunch before we the time we told my parent's ward to be there to help! And by that night we had the living room unpacked and set up! By Sunday the kitchen was unpacked and set up as well! It was so smoothly and I'm so very grateful it did! We still have plenty of boxes to unpack and go through, and the front room is still a storage room as is all around our bed in our room...but it's so nice to be on our bed again in an actual bedroom again! And as for the front room, we're going to get the condo emptied and cleaned and on the market before we go there. But it's pretty functional for now, Elizabeth's school is in an extended recess though we have been working on reading and writing and she does ABCMouse.com and lets face it....someone as curious as her...who asks as many millions of questions as she does is ALWAYS learning! That and well she's four and reads on at least a first(probably closer to second) grade level, does first grade level math, science and social studies...so I think a missed month or so isn't a really big deal. Know what I mean? ;)
This week has gone really well! We're back into our usual routine which Devin is loving, I'm loving all the space the kids have to play! I love that I can be cooking dinner and see what they're up to. They're(ok WE'RE loving having cable) it's funny though, the kids still prefer to watch PBS kids, they just don't have to deal with it cutting out constantly because of a crappy antennae, they can actually watch a whole show all the way through! I love HGTV! My down time got a lot better! Oh and my parent's leather electric recliners help greatly with that as well! We are so blessed to be here! Well I think that's about it, enjoy the pics!
I love the way Devin is sitting like a grown man!
Sitting eating their yummy cookie while watching netflix.
Playing in the large open great room! Devin used to never ride on his firetruck, cause he could never go very far, now he goes all over!
Watching tv from the laundry basket!
This much mess in the condo living room would have left no floor showing...love the space, and Devin's Mickey ears!
And some of Elizabeth having fun with a whistle!
And finally a video of Devin playing with the shake and go Buzz car my Uncle Chester gave him for Christmas, they were having a lot more fun with it before I started recording...naturally. And have since realized it's a lot more fun to send down the hall!
You may not understand why but somehow posting about all this helps me take a needed step toward healing my wounded heart. I'm not even sure where to begin...on New Year's Day I noticed some brownish spotting and my cramps seemed worse than usual...I had the feeling then that it was the beginning of the end. Wednesday when it kinda continued I called my OB office and they set up an ultrasound for Thursday...when I went to the ultrasound my heart absolutely shattered at what I saw. A lifeless tiny baby that was so still I knew it was gone...then they went to listen to the heartbeat and that flat line caused the tears to overflow. My OB's nurse called Friday morning and told me what I already knew, no heartbeat had been found and that I was miscarrying...again. She said the baby measured between 9 and 10 weeks...I was that day 12 weeks along...so it had been gone for a couple weeks. As she talked to me all I could see was that lifeless image on the ultrasound from the day before...I felt devastated, and so very sad. I made an appointment to see my OB Monday to schedule a D&C for Tuesday. I spent the whole rest of the day bawling...in the powder room, to Tony, to the relief society president, to my mom who luckily was in the area getting stuff done with her work computer, so she came down and took us to lunch then took my kids home with her, then I took a shower and really bawled...did laundry and bawled, talked to my good cousin Sarah and cried, and grieved. Packed up most of Elizabeth's room and cried. That night Tony and I went up to my parents to spend another weekend to finish up some things in the basement as we start moving in tomorrow. Saturday afternoon I drove home as the relief society presidency helped my pack up a lot of stuff in the house, and cried with me. Sunday I just couldn't face so many people and apologies so I stayed home and just rested, but after church my good friend Kay came over and talked and cried with me. Monday Devin had his annual therapy review and they got everything ready to be transferred up to the early intervention program up in Davis county...I of course had to tell them about the miscarriage, and Dani(Devin's OT)cried with me. I'm really gonna miss that gal! She's an amazing therapist and an awesome lady! Shortly after Devin's review was over I started experiencing the worst pain imaginable...it got to the point that I could hardly talk and barely breathe I was in such excruciating pain, it was like a super contraction that never let up...I called my neighbor and she told me to call my OB so I called the office and they told me to try to hold out until my appointment at 4(which at this point was only like 4 hours away). I made it about two minutes when I called Tony and told him I had to go to the ER cause I couldn't take the pain anymore! Of course as Tony was on his way home, IMC called about my surgery the next day to tell me to call and pre register, then they called again with pre surgery instructions, very little of which did I actually hear, I was trying so hard to not let the endless pain take me over. While she was going on and on about what to do and where to go, the whoosh came and my bottom half was soaked in blood...luckily she finished her spiel and I was able to hang up and Tony got home shorty after...as soon as Tony's mom got there we were off to the ER. I gushed a few more times before they got us back and by that time I was so light headed I could barely walk. As they attempted the almost impossible task of getting an IV in me, I got "sparkles" in front of my eyes and everything got really bright, and I could feel that I was loosing myself, and then I fainted. It wasn't for long I don't think, I came to with an oxygen mask on, and everyone was in the same place as when I fainted. It took 4 very painful attempts to get an IV in me(stupid veins!). A couple hours later I passed the fetus, one of the nurses noticed it and put it in a sample cup to be tested. At that moment it was truly over...I was no longer pregnant...no longer had a baby alive or dead in me. We were there for nearly 8 hours and it was absolutely horrible, laying there bleeding out our hope for another baby in the summer, bleeding out what we'd come to be excited for, bleeding out what I really thought was meant to be, bleeding out what I envisioned to have ten perfect tiny fingers and toes and a tiny nose...that wouldn't be. It's crushing really, absolutely crushing. I've spent the last two days in a medication induced sleep, hiding healing. I've been pregnant 4 times, and have a 50% success/failure rate...it hurts...it hurts really bad. Today I've been doing my best to focus on the two adorable, wonderful and amazing children I'm being allowed to watch grow and raise in this life, but it's hard not to think of the two spirits up in heaven I'm not being able to raise here and now, though I know the time will come when I will get to watch them grow and raise them too, it's hard to not have them with me now. But I have to thank the Lord for the two I do have, because they light up my life and bring happiness to me in a time when it's so hard to find any on my own. I do know that my Heavenly Father knows me, loves me and has a wonderful plan for me and my family, and honestly if the two cuties I have now are all I get(though I do not believe they are) I will be happy to have them, as they are truly amazing spirits, and it is my privilege to have them as my own and watch them grow and learn and help raise them up to be the amazing people I know they will become. After I miscarried the first time I could never have imagined Devin...my adorable, beautiful boy, and that gives me hope...that if it be His will I can feel that way about another beautiful child again...someday, in His time.
So the week between Christmas and New Years Tony worked comp time to take it off (along with most of the company) so the day after Christmas we went up to my parents to spend the week. Tony and my dad got a lot of work done in the basement which ultimately was the goal. That was pretty much the whole week...me doing the same old same old with the kids, just at nana and papa's house and Tony and my dad getting as much work done as they could everyday. For new years eve we did the fondu thing again which is lots of fun, and lots of yummy food! Devin couldn't have cared less about it all, so we just put him down at his normal time, Elizabeth we let stay up until about 10:30 when we let her ring in her new year with lots of noise! She naturally enjoyed it!
Christmas morning started kinda rough. Devin's diarrhea diaper leaked all over his cute Christmas pj's, but he was thrilled to get to wear his new "woo woo" Thomas the Train pj's my Uncle Chester gave him, then Elizabeth stared going down stairs while we were getting Devin ready...despite me telling her not to go down until we were all ready, luckily I don't think she got far before I noticed. So once that was all sorted out it was a fantastic day from then on! We opened presents, played with new toys, had our traditional french toast breakfast relaxed and played some more then got dressed and headed to my Grandma and Grandpa Walker's house visited with a lot of my family until it was time to head to Tony's parent's for the Johnston Christmas party...I was having an energy crisis so the camera never made it out of the bag after Christmas morning but believe me it was still a great day, even if I don't have photographic evidence! The Johnston party was great, we had a delicious ham dinner, then it was once again present time! We got some very nice, and very needed camp chairs from Russ and Alicia, and Elizabeth got some puzzles and the pony Rarity(from My Little Pony), and Devin got some fun puzzles. Then we gave the Nester's their "movie night" themed gift, that they seemed to be excited about. Then Grandma and Grandpa went, they gave us(all of us)a great Bissell spot cleaner, and a bag of useful other odds and ends. Then they gave the grand kids their gifts which worked out perfect in our case! Elizabeth got a princess sheet set and Devin got a Toy Story sheet set(and cause toddler sheets don't cost as much they gave Devin some music cd's too) They each got a stocking as well with lots of fun little odds and ends and of course plenty of candy! The kids played, we visited for a while then we headed home after a wonderful Christmas day!
Okay so as you may know Elizabeth asked Santa for a stuffed Rudolph...that was it, and since Santa already had one set aside for her, after her love of Rudolph last year, we would ask her if there was anything else she wanted as well and she always replied something along the lines of," no you should only ask Santa for one thing, it's good manners." Have I mentioned lately how freakin' mature Elizabeth is getting these days?! It kinda wigs me out sometimes...it's like talking to a 12 year old!! Anyway so Elizabeth has been eying the Little People Princess Castle for a while(and was planning on asking for it for her birthday), so Santa left a note essentially telling her he'd noticed her interest in it and he'd also noticed how hard she's been trying to be extra good and so she'd earned an extra special gift, he thanked her for being such a good little girl and told her to keep up the good work. I'm pretty sure Santa is her hero! Santa ended up getting an amazing deal which helped with his decision to give it to her to reward her for her exceptional behavior. ;) She was shocked and amazed when she came downstairs! And she has had so much fun playing with that castle!
Devin didn't really ask Santa for anything but Santa knows how much he loves Buzz, and he was right on the mark, as Devin loves his Buzz bear!
Checking out the stockings Santa filled for us!
Santa ate his cookies! And it looked like Rudolph enjoyed his carrot as well!
Devin wearing the new BYU hat Santa gave Tony...it's just too cute!
Elizabeth got her favorite movie The Lorax from us, there's a great pictures where she looks as absolutely thrilled as she was but of course it was super blurry.
My Uncle Chester gave us some money to get the kids a gift(even though he bought them very nice gifts) so we used the money to get them each a new bedtime stories book!
We had to convince Elizabeth she didn't have to read all her new books here and now, that she would have plenty of time to loose herself in her books later...love my little reader! The Snow White book is personalized though so it was really hard to put down once she found her name in it!
Devin got a Buzz and Woody blanket with his name on it!
Our traditional Christmas morning french toast breakfast....yummy!!
Playing with all their fun new toys!
Here is a video of the kids coming downstairs Christmas morning.
We were married in the Salt Lake Temple August 4th 2006, and have only grown closer and more in love since! We welcomed our first child, Elizabeth September 12th 2008, and our second, Devin March 3rd 2011. It's been quite the journey so far with plenty of ups and downs, but we grow stronger and closer as we continue in faith.
