Explanation of Absence

Alright so it's been a long time. Let me explain. Life is hard, REALLY, REALLY HARD!!! Sometimes it's just too hard. I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a teenager....maybe even longer, and well the past few years have been difficult.(though I'd never admit it) The miscarriages, infertility issues, special needs children, my brother passing. To be honest I shoved it all down just too darn long, and in June the volcano erupted, and it all wouldn't stay down anymore. I had a complete mental and emotional breakdown. I went to my bishop and talked to him.....he wanted me to admit myself to the hospital right then but I simply wouldn't so he made me promise to get into counseling at LDS Family Services. I was lucky enough to get in the very next day. I went to my doctor and broke down to her, she told me she expected me to fall apart a lot sooner and I had just made it worse by bottling it up, but it's what I do. She gave me a prescription for an anti-depressant and after about a week of thinking about it, I started taking it. Unfortunately it increased my already existing suicidal thoughts. Eventually one day I swallowed a bunch of old prescription pain relievers, luckily there were only enough to make me incredibly sick. A couple days later I went to counseling, and he got the truth out of me. Called my bishop, Tony and my mom and told them I needed to check into the hospital right away. I knew he was right but I still hated it. When I got home I didn't even trust myself to go inside. Luckily as I was texting my friends, Ashley and Tisha that I may need their help with my kiddos, Ashley sensed something was up and came and got me. She could sense I was talking myself out of going to the hospital and trying to formulate a plan to get out of it. So she and Tisha decided to take me before I could. We picked up my mom from our house and Tony met us there. I was mortified, but it was the first feeling I'd really felt for quite a while, so I almost didn't mind. I ended up staying in the Psych ward at McKay Dee Hospital for almost three weeks. I had several full on anxiety attacks while there, had an absolutely AMAZING counselor, who made all the difference. I worked through so many things, including things I didn't even realize I needed to work out. I got on some good medications that helped me come back to myself and most importantly I learned many.....MANY good coping skills. I was released July 3rd, and we had a wonderful 4th of July! I feel so much better and more like myself. I wish I would have gone seeking for help a lot sooner, but that's kinda part of the disease called depression, it makes you feel like you don't deserve help, that things are just never going to get better so why even try. That it so untrue! I do not like taking medication....but I need to right now, and I'm so glad I am! I'm so grateful and glad to be back!! I'm going to try and get this poor neglected blog updated since obviously a lot has gone on, including two holidays, Tony's new job, a new trailer and our partial relocation. But more on that later. ;)  I'll try to post again this weekend when I can add some fun pictures!