3 hour OB appointment

So Monday I went to my appointment with my OB, and it started as a typical visit, bathroom, scale, blood pressure(which was a bit high, but that turned out to be the least of it), then Dr. Kinghorn came in and asked how our trip was(she's from California, so she liked to hear about it) She found the heartbeat, and said that it sounded pretty good! She measured my little tummy, and said it was too little, in fact it hadn't hardly changed at all since the last visit 3 weeks ago, and she didn't like that. This normal visit started going down hill a bit. She ordered an ultrasound to check out Elizabeth's size, and just check up on things. She scheduled a visit in a week to check my blood pressure again. Then I headed down to get the ultrasound, and conveniently they had someone not show up, so they were able to get me right in. The nurse did her thing measuring every part of Elizabeth, and looking at all her organs and such, Elizabeth didn't move the entire time, so she listened into and tracked her heartbeat, which she said sounded pretty good. She then went and got the Dr, (who had done my last two ultrasounds), but she could only get Elizabeth to roll over. She said she thought she saw something but she wanted to get the "experts" opinion, so she went and got the head of the department(I was doing my best not to cry, and totally freak out) So he came in, and reviewed everything, went and ran something through his computer. When he came back he told me that he noticed "rushing" through the umbilical cord, but the placenta was resisting it, and not much was getting through. He told me this was a sign of a weakening placenta, that could possibly wear out prematurely. Not real good. He ordered a non stress test, and told me that the best thing I could do is to lie on my left side to help increase circulation, and take it easy(like I haven't heard that a million times before!) So I waited about a half hour to get in to do the non stress test, the best part was she got the hiccups from the "bloody mary" juice mixture they gave me to get her to move around, which worked about 5 minutes after drinking it, she was doing the hokey pokey! But her heart rate dipped a couple times, the 2nd time they had an ultrasound machine hooked to me, and they saw that when the umbilical cord had a rush and the placenta resisted it caused her heart rate to dip. So the head honcho ultrasound Dr told me to come in every week for the next 3 weeks, to do non stress tests, then he said he wanted to do another ultrasound in 3 weeks, and they might have to deliver her, but that wasn't his call. He also told me to do kick counts after every meal, everyday, and if it took more than an hour for her to kick 10 times to go straight to labor and delivery(really trying hard not to completely stress out now, as I know that won't help) Then I went home in a complete daze, and tried to process it all. Thankfully, yesterday morning my OB Dr. Kinghorn called and told me she'd gone over the results of the ultrasound, and didn't like them either. She said she totally agreed with the other dr about doing the non stress tests weekly, and the ultrasound in 3 weeks. She asked if i had any questions and I asked what our plan looked like now, and if I was still on with my due date. She said at this point, Elizabeth would be fine outside the womb, and if it ever becomes better that she be outside the womb she'll take her in a heartbeat. She said her biggest concern is that there's a thin spot on the placenta that could tear to disastrous results, she's not a risk taking person, so she's not going to risk that happening, and will take her out if anything hints to this problem worsening. Also with the non stress tests, if she has one any worse than that last one, she'll take her out. But mostly in 3 weeks at the next ultrasound if things aren't looking better, or Elizabeth hasn't starting gaining major amount of weight, she'll...you guessed it take her out. She said at that point she'd be better off in our control than in the womb where we can't really control anything. So she put an anticipated pre-term delivery in 3-4 weeks on my chart. But I'm not allowed to worry or stress about it, cause it will just make it worse. My biggest thing is a fear that I'm not ready yet, I still have two months to come to terms, and now I probably don't. I want what everyone wants a perfectly healthy baby, not a tiny little thing that will be in neo-natal ICU for weeks. Dr. Kinghorn told me that even if she was born now she'd weigh a good 3 1/2 pounds ish and would be just fine, which is why she won't hesitate to deliver her the moment things don't improve. I just can't wrap my mind around a baby that small, whenever you see them that small it just breaks your heart. Previously I could NOT bring myself to by newborn size baby clothes cause they just looked too small, today I went and bought a couple preemie outfits, and they look like doll clothes. Too small to fit a real baby. Oh and then there's the condo which is in complete disarray. Her room is not even done remodeled yet not to mention set up as a nursery. Though Tony is really taking things up a notch to get as much done by the end of August as we can. He is so amazing!! I'm taking it more and more easy, and he's working harder and harder!! What a trooper, Elizabeth takes after her dad in that aspect! Oh and as soon as I pick out which San Fran pics I want to use I'll post about the trip. We've been house sitting for my parents for the last week and until this friday, so I haven't had as much motivation to post(I'm at home now as I had to come down for my physical therapy today) So we'll see how much more I get done.